THE REAL YOU

THE REAL YOU

Life is unpredictable. Just when you think it is going good, it turns upside down. There were many times when I had to wear a fake smile, mask my feelings and go through hell. People had no clue, they perhaps thought I was fine. So the faking worked! Little did I know that cramming myself with negativity would affect me sooner or later. Just like other people, I thought I was fine too. Pity me, ultimately it took a toll on me. The most hellish task faced was to battle with my own mind. Your own thoughts make you or break you. It just doesn’t let you be in peace until you strive back hard. Sometimes the saddest part is that the cause of our depression or state of being could be as trivial as it could it be, but it aggravates due to unwanted, gruesome thoughts and that’s when we plunge into depression. Today, I stand strong having overcome my affliction. I would proudly share my journey of discovering peace of mind within me.

My family and me, as lovely as it sounds, we were lovely together too. My father earned well  to support me and my elder brother. Just like a happy family, we went out frequently, with whatever savings we had, we would plan out on small excursions and life went on happily. Life took a great toll on us. My father was bothered by his siblings fighting over properties. He had sleepless nights. He had troubles in his job as well. He behaved abnormal.  As a result, our happy family turned gloomy. To add to the trouble, we made a bad investment in a property and that pushed us into debts. Our gloomy family turned more dreadful. Now you may wonder as to why I was affected by this. Yes it did. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine my family becoming like this. Watching my dad helpless, got us really unpleasant. Matters got worse when my parents started fighting every day. Now this takes a huge toll on children. Their struggle got me downhearted. I stayed away from them in a hostel because my college was far away. My mother called me every day and lamented about the situation. All I could do was listen to her. I can’t help her financially nor could I be there for her. So the least I could do was to listen to her. But it affected me in a bigger way. I had hundreds of people with me in college, but I felt lonely. I would break down often, but didn’t let anyone know about what I was going through. I spent nights crying and only my pillow would know. This faking was really painful and maybe that’s what multiplied the severity of my breakdown. Now unexpectedly I was thinking way beyond my troubles. This kick started my wavering, sick mind to see sorrow in whatever I do. I couldn’t get myself strong. Maybe the problem was small to begin with but I made it worse. My thoughts made it worse. I looked pale and dead all the time. I would not eat for days, or would end up binge eating at times, both of which are bad. I desperately wanted to help myself out of the situation, but it took time. Temples surrounds me with a very positive vibrancy and always give me peace. I visited a temple nearby my hostel almost every day and submerged myself to its positivity. It took time for me to see my real emotions and honestly I was truly and genuinely happy only about a lot of months after I got into the phase. I kept myself occupied by studying. People called me nerdy. But I studied only to distract myself from my disturbed thoughts. I slowly tried getting the real me. The process was slow and tough but I achieved in mastering peace within me.

When you read this, it may not seem to you that the cause of my depression is serious.  But it was me who went through it. I may be a bad writer to convince you of my dread. But the depression was real. My torturous days were real. A whole mysterious person enters into you and dealing with that is baffling. The journey was no cakewalk. Even if I had people to help me out of the phase, I didn’t let anyone know. I wasn’t wise enough to realize that mental health should be spoken about. This blunder is what no one should ever commit. Getting out of the situation gets easier if we have support. Talk to your friends or someone trustworthy. My phase wouldn’t have been as bad as it was, if I told someone about it. No regrets, I learnt many many important lessons in life. It made me strong. It made me resistant.

Talking about mental health is still a taboo in our society. It is not a sickness but a tough phase in life. Getting help is not wrong. Dealing with it in an aggressive manner is wrong.  It is never too late in life do something new. Get started and discover the new you!

* This article has been written as on the story based on my friend's life. I have written this from her point of view for more a realistic appeal. 

e